Have you ever cried in front of the mirror, yelling: “I hate you,” to yourself? Because I have. It’s the most painful thing ever. I used to think that “I was so horrible I could die.”
The thing is, I wanted someone to like me, that I could like back. But, did I really seek love, or did I search for the validation behind it? Did I want someone to give me flowers, or did I want someone to tell me how pretty and skinny I was?
I was deep down the rabbit hole. Whenever someone said: “You’ve gotten skinnier, are you ok?” I wouldn’t listen to the second part of the sentence, all I heard was that I was skinnier.
It wasn’t healthy. I knew that. And when I first noticed what was wrong with me, I cried. I didn’t want to be friends with Ana, Mia or Mina. But, as time passed by, I got used to it…I didn’t wanna be friends with them, but I didn’t want to be a pig either.
There was this boy, called Devon, who had a crush on me. He was my boy best friend. But those messages to my girl best friend, saying how pretty I was, made me want to keep talking to him, because I wanted more compliments. Why? Maybe to prove myself that I wasn’t a fat ugly pig.