March 4th was an ex gf’s birthday. Today, I’m married with 3 kids and although we broke up in 2004, I never got over her. She’s the only time I ever truly felt love. I was undiagnosed, unmediated bipolar and I don’t blame her for leaving after 3 years together from 18 years old to 21. Jealousy also contributed. She was out of my league. Every head turned when she entered a room and I knew she could do better than me. I see now looking back I was mentally abusive and controlling. At the time, being 18, I thought I was being protective as my previous relationship, my first I’ve ever, I was cheated on. I wasn’t suspicious, but cautious.

I think of her often. Bipolar and not knowing what was wrong with me or how to treat it cost me many friendships and relationships.

If she was with me now I think I could be the person she hoped I was back then and the person I should’ve been.

I know she’s married now with two kids. I can’t help but feel like if I hadn’t blown it then that’s the life I should’ve had. I’m not happy with my wife, but don’t have the financial means to move out it go my own way. I also want to see my kids as much as I can.

No woman has ever lived up to the ex I speak of.

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