fuck friends

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Here are a few things they don’t tell you when you lose the girl you called your best friend. When the girl you called your best friend decides to leave you, she will do it days,weeks,months before telling you she is leaving you. When the girl you called your best friend decides to leave you she will make sure you have nothing, so you know she is serious, so you know it’s not her fault she is leaving you it’s your fault. When the girl you called your best friend decides to leave you she will do it over text not in person. She will leave what she calls a heartfelt text at 5 in the morning saying something along the lines of “ I can feel we are drifting apart and I think it’s for the best, and I know you are going through a lot, but I hope you can heal… I love you.” When the girl you called your best friend decides to leave you she will end her last goodbye with the words “I love you” three words she said she could never say to you because it felt wrong, because it was too weird. When the girl you called your best friend decides to leave you, you will fall apart completely. You stay in bed for weeks, you won’t eat much, and you won’t shower anymore, you’ll feel defeated. When the girl that you called your best friend decides to leave you she will move on, make new friends, become a stranger. When the girl that you called your best friend decides to leave you, you will eventually pick yourself back up after a few hard months, you will eventually learn to live again without her and forget her. You will learn to love yourself without her. When the girl you called your best friend decides to leave you, you will realize that you are happier and that you can do anything you want, you will realize that she is just one person in this giant world. You will realize her flaws and you will move on. When the girl you called your best friend reaches out to you after deciding to end your friendship you will be on vacation living it up. Your heart will drop from a simple “how are you?”. When you reply you decide to be kind because you moved on, and on top of that you apologize because that is the type of person you are. When the girl that you called your best friend decides to leave you decides she wants to “hang out” you agree, you think what could go wrong. Nothing went wrong.. Yet. You and the girl that you called your best friend talk. She says things like “she was really sad when she ended things and she was telling her bff and her family and her friends that she was really sad”. She says things like “she missed you” like “ her family was telling her she can’t feel sad because she did it’ like “ she felt bad”. At first you don’t know how to feel because you just got used to the thought of being alone, but then you realized you are tired of being alone so you and the girl you called your best friend decided to be friends again. You thought that meant that y’all would hang out again and stuff like that. But it didn’t mean that at all. The girl you called your best friend will text you one last time to hang out. You won’t know this is your last time. You will think that she wanted to hang out with you because she missed you, because she genuinely wanted to see you. But you are wrong. She will tell you that her bff is out of town and she had nothing better to do. Your heart will break, and you realize then and there that you are filler. You will even tell her that you don’t want to be filler. She won’t understand. When you get home you will realize that the girl you used to be best friends with didn’t want to make up with you because she missed you. She made up with you because she wanted to clear her conscience. Now you will have realized that it is your turn to leave the girl you called your best friend.

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