Sunday, cold March month for some reason. Yesterday we went out for a walk and it was snowing in Syntagma. Nice picture but we got our asses kicked because half of them didn’t have a hood. I woke up to my dad stubbornly trying to prove to us that the hood works. Yeah… It doesn’t work, but trying to convince him will only bring screaming. He’ll try and eventually he’ll give up. He has a refusal to accept that some things need to be thrown away, I don’t know if I do him justice. But sometimes he gets incredibly irritating. My mother finally has the day off. She’s been working at a hotel across the street from the Acropolis for 30 years, off whenever it suits the hotel, no increase even for a joke. She was away for 10 days compulsory when the kid had a foot issue and we got stunned by the manager on the phones. About four times my mother’s salary and he didn’t know what was going on. I often tell her to ask for a raise. She’s scared. They almost fired a girl they have worked with for so many years because she has cancer. Now I tell her more in jest, I think she understands it too.
Fucking cold man, ok we’re not dying but I don’t know a person who likes to wake up and be cold. Gas is down to 2 for 2+ basically. We put 1.1 heating oil in. Not now a while ago. Now I don’t know what it’s up to. Well, it’s not worth it. We were talking at one point when it was 0.7 something about filling the tank but my dad for some magical reason thought the price would drop.
TV’s out again. Honestly full on tedious but I’m sick of fighting. What going to the doctor to get you unplugged, what I’ve been studying, what it’s just annoying to be in a house and have a shit playing over and over… No change. I don’t remember when this started. But now it’s a daily occurrence. A very, very annoying daily routine. I listen to SKAI as if I’m in the studio or at night to some similar ART type shit. TV in general is a lost cause. You sit down to talk about it, you agree that everyone is a liar, that they say whatever bullshit is in their best interest but still for some reason it’s permanently on. Until me or the kid goes in to turn it off that is.
I just closed the door. “Wait, I’m turning it down now” He’s not a bad person, nor do I think he turns the TV off on purpose. I think he’s really not listening. But, man, why don’t you go to the doctor and have him check you out? I can’t figure it out, I’m just putting up with it until I leave. I think my brother’s doing the same thing. Of course, the one with the headphones doesn’t seem to hear much most of the time. There are of course times when it’s so loud that he goes to ask for it to be turned down.
I don’t know why I’m writing this word. I wanted to start a fantasy book about giants and humans based in the present day. Thoughts that people reading the book might see how things are. Thoughts that I could help people become better. My girlfriend is probably depressed. She hasn’t been diagnosed, she hasn’t seen anyone. Money is a lot to pay for something like that when you’re living on a stipend and a low-paying job that her mother does. She wanted to get a job now that she’s in her senior year and not much schooling. If she doesn’t get a job that pays black though, her CCF will be cut. It’s a weird situation.
She’s been feeling a little better lately psychologically. I’d like to hope so at least. They live with her grandmother. When we were at the beginning of our relationship and she started telling me what a toxic person her grandmother is, I didn’t believe her. She also gave me a bit of a bad impression to be honest. I thought of those families who abandon their elderly. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
“Come on, what could be so bad for a grandmother” I don’t even know if anyone will ever read this, if I’ll delete it, if I’ll stop writing in two sentences and I’m already thinking about how someone will react to seeing it. Her grandmother is, if I’m not mistaken, 5-6 years younger than my grandmother. My grandmother has broken her leg being clumsy I think twice? One has been in a cast and relatively recently. Recently meaning a few years ago. In my mind 5 but the years with covid for some strange reason my brain doesn’t count them when doing flashbacks to the past.
The grandmother stays with them because no one else wants her. She sometimes leaves to stay with one of the sons for a few days. But only in case of emergency they keep her longer. It’s a bitch that they’ve saddled their mother with a single parent family, but since they often can’t make ends meet and she contributes a little with the pension, I don’t know if they can afford for her to leave.
So what does this grandmother do. On the face of it, nothing. She has a strange aura, when you meet her but she speaks to you kindly, you can’t say anything bad. Except for the fact that she burps, of course, even when she has strangers in the house. There’s nothing wrong with her, they’ve looked into it. He just burps because he does. The cool thing is that when she’s reprimanded later she always denies it. Since I first saw her at 18 she’s been doing the same thing. I can’t say I care. But I can see why they would be embarrassed when it happens.
On a more serious note. Grandma’s a meddler. She calls her kids on the phone and puts words in their mouths that one said something bad about the other or that she is being mistreated. I can’t say I believed it until I experienced it. Wednesday and I can’t remember another day she doesn’t eat meat. My girlfriend goes to her and says.
“Since mom didn’t have time to cook she told me to order in, do you want me to get you a veggie burger since you don’t eat meat?”
“No no, I don’t like peas.”
“Do you want me to get you an eco-friendly one?”
“No no no, I’ll make something to eat, little girl, thank you.”
“Yes, I’ll make potatoes and eggs.”
We order, we eat and we hear from the kitchen she is on the phone with a friend first and then one of her sons. Same conversation, as if it was a poem written.
“Come on, what are you doing, I’m not very well here, they’ve left me starving” she continues saying that her daughter has left and she hasn’t cooked and all that.
Nervous breakdown, her daughter coming back later and telling her that we ordered and she made her own little eggs to eat. Like poor thing, with a look like she didn’t go to ask her if she wanted anything, like we were kicking her while ostentatiously ordering just for us. Voices evil, well why didn’t you get grandma something? After the misunderstanding, they ask grandma if we asked her if she wanted anything. “Yeah, yeah good. I didn’t say anything.” You come home from work, walk in, the other person says they didn’t get me something, you argue with your child, and then remember to mention that you were asked.
Someone might say. Oh it’s the mother’s fault for not asking to know the whole story. The grandmother may not have done it on purpose and so on. Yeah, that’s what I thought at first too. But it’s not like that. She puts words, she puts words in such a way that she’s covered up. To make it look like the mother overreacted for yelling at the daughter and not paying attention to why it all started. Until, of course, the brothers talk to each other. When your brother calls you and says, “Hey, are you guys letting mom fast?” something’s wrong somewhere, somewhere you go crazy.
My girlfriend’s mom made excuses for her for the two years she lived with them. She’s very religious and thinks no one is bad and was saying she wouldn’t do them on purpose and that it’s their fault and stuff. I don’t know if she believed them herself. Maybe she was trying anyway. She generally has a temper issue. She is or was taking some pills and has been told to be as calm as she can be. Her other daughter lives in Cyprus. She used to go there with her boyfriend and when she broke up she said she wasn’t well and would like to be there. We thought it was a good idea. Maybe she could get a job. Anyway, psychologically it would definitely be good for her. It’s not just the words she puts out. It’s the constant misery.
“It’s going to be sunny today.”
“Let’s see how long
You can’t say a word. And if you don’t, then he just blurts like someone has died.
I should note that Grandma is fine. She walks with a cane but has no issues with her legs. She just walks with a cane. She takes some pills for sugar but the cigarette is a cigarette. He can do everything normally. She just chooses to be poor in a way.
Anyway. She had gone just before covid Cyprus her mum and we decided to stay together. The most unfortunate thing. To start living with someone and get locked in a dormitory. At first, before the quarantine, it was nice. We found a rhythm. We were fixing some things that were bothering us. We helped each other get on a schedule with each other’s schools. Even the beginning of quarantine was kind of nice. A break from the daily grind.
While she was in Cyprus they had agreed to send her some money. She had a job there. We could split up at any time so we agreed that it didn’t make sense to include me in the survival plans. He would send her until she finished school and could get a job. Obviously I was helping out too but with the money I was making from the paperwork and an allowance from the parents I couldn’t do much.
We did a good job. We were both proud of that. We had some money put aside in case we went on a trip. For various reasons after the first 2 months of her mother sending, not the agreed money slightly less, but still enough to put aside, she sent half of it. Sometimes even late enough that we were eating rice. A lot of rice.
But the quarantine didn’t help. Not financially, not our relationship. Her mother was left unemployed, meanwhile while she was there the brothers, who didn’t think she was going to leave for Cyprus and Grandma would be their problem, had been pestering her on the phone. That she should come back and that things were better here and she would find a job and such nice things. Grandma called her too, apologising, saying she would get her character back and that she would be better off at home. Her daughter in Cyprus now had recovered from the separation as well and wanted to be alone again. Well and the sweet thing was tied up.
We here were starting to fight too much. About shit. But stressing about money doesn’t help you calm down and think rationally. When you wake up every morning stressed out to call the city to renew your CDC, it doesn’t pick up, and then you live in the stress until the next time you can call back…well you can’t be in the best of times. My parents helped us a few times with food but couldn’t help more. We never asked them for help but when you go for a visit and you sneak cheese in with you hey they will always know something.
We both thought at one point that it would be better if her mother came back. Better for our relationship. We knew she wouldn’t get a job, but with grandma’s pension and CDC at least it would be better. We also had some hope that Grandma might actually not be such a jerk again.
Well, she’s back. With a lot of things grandma is still an asshole just after crying and various outbursts my girl’s mom started to realize that they might just be writing her off for their own good.
We didn’t owe her anything when she came back. But our mental state wasn’t the best. We’re fine now. I’d like us to stay together again but without depending on someone else financially. We’re thinking of leaving Sweden. We’re learning Swedish. If I sweat enough I’ll finish next year, which is the last official year. Otherwise I’ll give away what’s left while I’m in the army so he can leave.
The situation in the country is a brothel. I’ve come to realize it’s not the politicians fault. It’s the people who vote for them. It is unbelievable that we are in this situation simply because some people are trying to justify their wrong vote. Syriza did a good thing coming out. It broke the two-party system. It showed that you don’t have to vote only for ND or PASOK because that is the only way out. I am not hiding. And I thought it would make a difference. Especially with the referendum. I believed that things would indeed change. Bollocks. He’s done a fucking stunt. Some ministers resigned. And then he just followed similar policies to the previous two plus some cheese to show he was different.
We have six parties in parliament. Two of them have brought the country to this state. The Southwest is in government again. I honestly don’t understand. Are there so many comfortable people? They have no idea what’s going on and just vote because that’s what I’ve always voted for? I don’t fully understand. SYRIZA came out and continued the same policies trying to convince that they are something different. Then we have KKE, I don’t know, I feel like it’s behind the times, maybe I used to vote for it but I can’t say it covers me. Greek solution… comic relief. This man is a dude. He managed to be party chairman in the Greek parliament while selling poppycock to make money. He is the right-wing party extra that is always in parliament. The prime mover of these parties was the LAOS. Velopoulos, Adonis, Voridis and other good personalities belonged there before they went to ND. Vellopoulos just played his own house of cards a little differently. I think Adonis won of course. Vice President of a ruling party. He’ll poison Koulis too and we’ll be fully filmed. Day 25, i.e. Varoufakis, he’s convincing, seems to have a plan, but I don’t know, I’ll probably vote for him? I have no faith anymore. I don’t even know if it’s worth bothering in general. I won’t stop trying to vote for something even if I leave the country. But man. I don’t know. People don’t think.
Let’s go to something outside of the House. Greek GMPs. They’re perfect for the name. Greeks my ass. Of course they offer a contingent, informed primarily by Terry a guy who found the chicken with the golden eggs. Objective journalist running for a party. It’s all the left’s fault. The first time I saw him was when I was on Capitol Hill. He had made a video to prove they were not trump supporters. He even showed evidence that they were communists, based on some reindeer tattoos. Unfortunately that diamond has been erased.
Kasidiaris created the successor to Golden Dawn from within the prison. Because the super assholes of this country must vote for something. Those for whom it is the foreigner, the immigrant, the foreigner’s fault. I generally like to strike up conversations with people with whom I have a completely opposite viewpoint. I used to think that if you have a conversation with someone who is even a full-on extremist, you can get them out of the shit vortex. I still do. Just not for everyone. Some people are comfortable with lying.
I don’t know why. But I want to write this down too. Anarchism is the stupidest thing. It basically supports a capitalist society without any restrictions. We’re fucked by Bobolas and Marinakis anyway so let’s give them a chance to be petty masters of the world under some Jeff and some Musk.
I’m tired of writing. I have homework to do. I have to read. I’m tired of existing. There’s been a war and instead of saying stop, I sit and listen to them picking sides. As if the world is a dying game. We have the selective sensitive ones. Who only care about this particular war. The most secretive slime are the neoliberals who play it cool and independent, only remembering to mention something when it suits the political agenda.
I don’t know what to make of what I wrote. Halfway through I was thinking of deleting it. But you asshole, close to 3,000 words is a bit of a bummer.
I’m gonna post it somewhere anonymously and watch me get called out. It’ll be a phase.
I’ll end with a really nice sentence. America sucks. It’s the watering hole of the rich. You have poor people living on the margins and supporting the whole thing by voting for the same party of a different hue necessarily. My aunt who is wealthy, every time she comes to Greece she turns all the doctors in the IKA.
Also Portosalte, know that you are incredibly disgusting. Which you should know. I wish people would wake up. We’re thinking of buying a kebab, man. And then the other guy comes out and talks about benefits. Fucking benefits, man. Half the waiters have some master’s degree and a fucking laugh saying how lazy young people are and how they can’t take the hard stuff so they’re getting out. Luckily I would end with just one sentence. That went well. People are dying outside the ICU and not a nostril is opening. We’re used to it. We’re used to our neighbor dying.
I don’t want to stop trying. At least I guess I do. My friends have gone crazy, too. All in the press and on edge. Everybody’s looking for a way out of the gutter. We see our parents working 10-hour days, and every month we get less and less.