i did something really mortifying and i am regretting it


please read this I need advice !!!!!


I went out to meet a friend of mine at a cafe. we decided to meet up to study but both of us forgot to bring any notes. Anyway, her boyfriend also came later on. he brought his iPad and we studied for a bit. They both wanted to head back home but I didn’t wanna go home. These days I am feeling melancholic and burned out. My family is also really pressuring and suffocating me. So I wanted to not think about anything. I met up with the guy friends from this group. They were already heading to a new cafe. After the cafe, I suggested drinking. They accompanied me and we went to a bar and drank. I get drunk very easily and I really don’t know how to limit myself. which results in me feeling embarrassed the next morning and I regret it. Anyways, we all got drunk and it was too late and public transport was not possible so we decided to walk back home. It started to drizzle and later it was pouring rain. I got emotional and sensitive and started blabbering how I hate my life and my father is like this and my sister is really depressed which makes me sad. I also exposed myself by blurting that I did self-harm and attempted some sort of suicide. The thing is I don’t know them, we met by my friend’s boyfriend who I early on mentioned. And it’s weird. I cried in front of them I felt so humiliated and bad. I never told this to anyone about how I did self-harm. I feel really exposed atm and I feel as if they will feel weird or awkward when I am with them or vice versa I will.

I told them that I wouldn’t go back home. so they said that they won’t either and instead will accompany me. one of them said come stay at our place but I didn’t want to but I insisted him to go home and he did. And I was with the other two. I felt like a burden to them and just wanted to escape so I started running. but of course, I couldn’t outrun them in that state or ever I guess. I felt like I was dragging them with me. Anyhow, we sat at a place that was open 24/7 and drank some tea to sober up. Lastly, they left because I finally sobered up and kept on insisting them to go home. It was 5.30 am when they left. I went home after 1 hour.

I don’t know what to do now, how can I face them after all I have done. I feel exposed and stupid. I told them to not say anything to anyone and also my best friend. They swore but I don’t know if they will or not. I feel like they will talk behind me and say how dumb is that girl, she only thinks about herself or stuff. I don’t know what to do please can someone help me.

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