I rarely masturbate and I think I have gone crazy

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Let me start by telling you what happens when I do start masturbating. I’m a guy and I start to feel guilty, and ashamed because of my religion. Then I get loads of negative thoughts, and I start getting angry, and become miserable at everything. When I do want to masturbate / wank, I try to remember the consequences of what happens when I do wank – like all the negative thoughts, sadness, anger, misery etc… so I don’t commit the sin.

The longest time I have gone without wanking is around 2 years, when i was going through a lot in life, and was depressed. As I get older I find it hard to keep those lustful thoughts out of my head, and every night I’m thinking about sex. I get so hard. and just keep touching my dick without ever masturbating or cumming. Get some serious cases of blueballs.

This goes on for so long, and I find it so hard to sleep at night, as I am so hard and cannot stop thinking about pussy. It messes you up – because you try to keep yourself from committing sin and you won’t talk to a women because you might want to have sex with them (and because of what the religious community might think of you), and you want to be a good religious person.

When I don’t wank, it is hard to keep fighting the desire for long periods of time, but I found through difficulty, if you stay mindful you can use that force for the better, like becoming a better person. Keeping busy like hitting the gym or working helps a lot. Eating lots of food to a full stomach or satisfaction can increase desire and it is hard to fight. I try to remember the mind makes sex something so different (glorifies it) to what it actually is, that when you actually have sex it is nothing like what you thought. You might not have the stamina, might not last as long as you thought, can’t keep going multiple times, need a piss afterwards etc..

Now when I get horny, I watch some porn but rarely masturbate and when I watch porn I feel bad and turn it off when my conscious starts kicking in. Not wanking and not being mindful are not a good mix – it really f’s you up and you can start becoming a B**ch.

I have been depressed and have stayed at home for a few years and was not masturbating, and thinking about sex all the time. It really messed me up and everything seems upside down in my head. I rarely have wet dreams and when then do happen, it is amazing as I feel the sexual urges fade away. If I wank, I have repressed the sexual desire, but i have the anger and guilt behind it and it makes me snappy.

All of this never happened to me when I was in my late teens, but happened after my depression. Something changed and I don’t know why I can’t get back to the times when I masturbated and didn’t think twice afterwards.

If you are not wanking you need to keep really busy and keep your mind occupied, and if you are wanking, then don’t feel guilty and like you are doing wrong, as that will mess you up. Try and keep busy anyway.

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