I’m not old, still young, still have chances, lost my confidence, but getting it back slowly. I’m missing out on so much, because of my poor mindset. Lost like a Zombie. When I was younger, I had it all. I had good grades, went to a top university to study a top subject, and had it all going for me. There may be many stories like mine, some better, some worse and some different.
I took my younger days for granted not aware of the time and luxuries I had. Time is a luxury. I was in university studying, but something changed, I don’t know what and I did not want to be there anymore. So I started to look for businesses to do and tried to work something out. I found some success when I was younger, but it came easy and I took it all for granted. With the success I left university, and moved back home. I did not try hard to keep the success, I did not know what it meant, and how lucky I was. So, I lost it and did not care. I was a late bloomer and I did not care for much. Childish and reckless.
I then looked to do other businesses and found some success, but I was not making much profit and decided to let it go. I then started to fall into depression and really suffered. I thought I was too good for a job, so did not get one. I was stuck in the house for years, losing my mind, my communication skills, my people skills, basic logical skills, started to become indecisive and so much more. If I did work, I would earn money (obvious), but I would also be around people, getting better with my skills, learning more and becoming a better person, smarter and talking to women. All things I missed out on because of my stupidity,
Before people enjoyed being around me, then no one wanted to be around me. I started to feel the phrase, “When you laugh the whole world laughs with you, when you cry, you cry alone.” No one wanted to be with me, and that was one of the smaller reasons that kicked me to start improving. I started more businesses, one after the other they failed. More importantly, I needed to get my mind back, my sanity. It was so difficult to fight those voices, to get back to normal. What it takes someone normal to do in an hour, it would take me 6 months to do. Thats how messed up I was.
It took me so long to get a schedule together, something to stick to, something that gets my brain working and thinking. It was so difficult. Over the years I have been improving, but I still feel like I am no where near where I was when I was younger. I am trying everyday, I am trying still to this day to improve.
I want to go back and study, but do not have the money. I had so many opportunities to go back and study when I was younger, but I threw those chances away. I had success, and times felt like I did not deserve it, and let it go. I felt like I was never good enough for my girlfriends and they all left. My ego is so shit and dirty. I have since found I am good enough. I just needed to grow up and stop being a little bitch.
I try now to work hard and take every opportunity. I found I can have this AND that, instead of this OR that. I am still trying to work hard and make some success from something, but life is hard now. I have pissed away so many great opportunities that most people would love. I have also found that I needed this struggle, and everything I have been through to become the person I am today. I thank god for all the struggles and everything else. It is difficult, but I try to trust in God.
Everything happens for a reason.