I’m a young girl, I haven’t even started high school yet. Despite that, I still have a pretty messed up life, especially when compared with people who lead perfect lives.
Since the beginning, I began to observe how others around me in school did things differently than me and my family. I understood that others didn’t have to do the same things that I had to do with my family. I only realized how mistreated I had been when I got older. I have always resorted to telling my story anonymously out of fear of my friends and family finding out. The weight on my heart has become too heavy for me to bear. It is beginning to feel as if it is crushing me, and I am losing myself to this demon. So here is my story.
The first thing I can tell you is that I’ve always received stellar grades, putting me at the front of the class and putting me into advanced clubs like GT (gifted and talented). At first, I liked being ahead of everyone else because it made me think I was special. Yet the more I learned, the more I felt out of place as if I was being treated harsher because I understood more than my classmates. Despite the fact that it sounds like my ego is inflated, I was constantly belittled by my parents, sister, teachers, and friends. Their behavior made me feel odd and different. In retrospect, I can see how I was able to comprehend and process the pain and abuse I had to endure.
In the years between ages 4 and 9, my sister and I were repeatedly raped by a family member who lived with us at the time. Having this experience profoundly affected my life and has caused me psychological problems today. Neither me nor my sister were able to confess this to our parents for fear of damaging the relationship between them and a family member.
There is one more obstacle I have to overcome before I can finally be free, and that is my parents. I have had to deal with my parents’ emotional drain for most of my life. Dad has a very strong opinion about everything, and is not afraid to express it freely. He constantly tells me things like how fat I am, how I need to lose weight. This has caused me to struggle with my body image, and because of this I have cut myself to feel better when I feel suicidal. When you have a father like him, it is nearly impossible to get better.
The purpose of this post was not to cause you to feel sympathy for me. Instead, it was to remind myself of the pain and anger that I keep hidden and invisible to the rest of the world.