Suffering in silence

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Im just here for venting purposes because i feel like i have no one to talk to that will understand. Ive been married for a while now. Since the beggining of my marriage i had made a commitment to myself to always work things out. I have kept that promise. I hav3 tried everything possible to work things out. The first 5 years were silent treatments from him. I was always patient with him and working with him to be able to communicate. Then little by little he got way better with communication. I had lots of issues myself and decided to start working on them. (Just a little background he came from an extremely abusive home. His parents were very violent toward each other.) Although he has never laid a hand on me or my kids, the emotional abuse can really take a toll on my mental well being. How much is enough. At what point do i just give up and throw in the towel. At what cost. When he’s good he’s a dream, but when he’s being mean( he feels attacked or triggered) he’s a nightmare! I just recently explained to him that when I had my kids i had postpartum depression and had thoughts of hurting them. Now that je knows that he threw it in my face and that nearly made me spiral. I felt so helpless and hopeless. I dont know how to leave. I dont want to hurt my kids. Its not that i dont love him its that my emotoinal state is slowly whithering away with his unecesaary and voilatale passive aggresive behavior.

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