I’ve been looking for ways of letting out my emotions. I tried different kind of journals but I find it difficult to keep the habit of writing/recording. I am away from home and away from my family, it’s been almost a year and a half since I last saw my parents and siblings.

I am 25, male, living in Vancouver and sometimes I feel like I have no idea of what I am doing or if all the effort is even worth it. I am going back to my home country as I can not stand the weather in this city. I didn’t know how much the clouds and the rain would affect my mental health. I exercise several times a week, have a good job, have friends, eat healthy and even get my vitamin D. Some days are good and some days are soooo bad.

I keep comparing myself to my friend who went and studied engineering and got a job at a consulting company… or that other friend who got a job offer in the US and has that beautiful girlfriend… it seems like everybody else has their life figured out but me. Of course I know this is bullshit, but I can’t help having these awful comparison thoughts everyday.

I keep fighting to be “above average”, to be better than the rest… what does that even mean? There is always going to be a person with more money, a person with a better body, a person with a more beautiful girlfriend… There’s always going to be someone better than me in some are of life and I am also going to be better than so many other persons in many areas of life. It is what it is. That’s life.

How can I stop comparing myself? I have never been lazy and I’ve always given my best in every area of life. I am so tired of fighting that much.

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