What could have been

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I’ve been looking for ways of letting out my emotions. I tried different kind of journals but I find it difficult to keep the habit of writing/recording. I am away from home and away from my family, it’s been almost a year and a half since I last saw my parents and siblings.

I am 25, male, living in Vancouver and sometimes I feel like I have no idea of what I am doing or if all the effort is even worth it. I am going back to my home country as I can not stand the weather in this city. I didn’t know how much the clouds and the rain would affect my mental health. I exercise several times a week, have a good job, have friends, eat healthy and even get my vitamin D. Some days are good and some days are soooo bad.

I keep comparing myself to my friend who went and studied engineering and got a job at a consulting company… or that other friend who got a job offer in the US and has that beautiful girlfriend… it seems like everybody else has their life figured out but me. Of course I know this is bullshit, but I can’t help having these awful comparison thoughts everyday.

I keep fighting to be “above average”, to be better than the rest… what does that even mean? There is always going to be a person with more money, a person with a better body, a person with a more beautiful girlfriend… There’s always going to be someone better than me in some are of life and I am also going to be better than so many other persons in many areas of life. It is what it is. That’s life.

How can I stop comparing myself? I have never been lazy and I’ve always given my best in every area of life. I am so tired of fighting that much.

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1 thought on “What could have been

  1. Anonymous

    hey – things will get better, trust me 🙂 que sera, sera whatever will be will be.

    what you have in life is meant for you, everyone has a different path. there’s no point in letting the green eye-d emotion get into your head. why be jealous of another person’s field of roses when you yourself have your own field of tulips. The only way we can live our lives and potential to the fullest, is by focusing on ourselves and cultivating positive thoughts. Remember, you’re your own cheerleader – we come and go as individuals, focus on what you want to achieve out of life. Be happy for yourself – you’re doing amazing already!

    Bloom at your own pace 🙂

    Reply

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