Sometimes I wonder if I did all of this to myself and if I should go back to the church. It wouldn’t be healthy for me to– I’m a lesbian and my family is anabaptist, I have a lot more potential outside of it without being constantly told that I’m going to burn in hell. I just really wish that maybe there could be some kind of guiding force in my life or something. I don’t even know if this is real, I had incredibly vivid dreams while I was in the hospital of getting to leave and readjusting to life only to wake up and find myself back there, and I don’t think there’s a loving god who would do that to me. It’s been enough years that the scars on my back finally faded, but the fact that they were put there in the first place in the name of a religion I didn’t choose just really bites at me. I don’t want to go back, but I feel useless without it
Smart mouse is one which gets the cheese from the trap (to paraphrase Lewis Hyde).
“And there you will serve man-made gods of wood and stone, which cannot see or hear or eat or smell.” (Deuteronomy 4:28)
Funny thing is, this is the state of the so-called “church”.
It’s an inhibitor kind of thing: it binds to the same receptors a “God” would, but only to block them.
“Get behind me, Satan!” (Mat 16:23) Jesus said. And what do you think? He did. And soon was heading the “church”. It was always a trap.